For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
