i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
