i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
