i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
