the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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