somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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