You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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