google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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