Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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