I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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