her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Mom said you looked used
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
