Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
