The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
