I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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