I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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