he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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