Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
