Already got asked if we're dating
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
