oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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