Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
