Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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