Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
