butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
