Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
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I need moral support for this bender
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name