Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day

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  (334): Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day http://tfl.nu/yiro
  Replies (3) Good night (1197) Bad night (745)
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  (949): View more from California

  even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that

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  (949): even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that http://tfl.nu/ftma
  Replies (29) Good night (647) Bad night (4462)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?

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  (410): is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend? http://tfl.nu/36no
  Replies (28) Good night (3614) Bad night (1757)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We got so high we made milksteak

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  (250): We got so high we made milksteak http://tfl.nu/iyv5
  Replies (45) Good night (4396) Bad night (1257)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."

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  (507): Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk." http://tfl.nu/biax
  Replies (15) Good night (5031) Bad night (567)
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  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

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  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (87) Good night (16147) Bad night (3078)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

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  (316): i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes http://tfl.nu/q5w9
  Replies (25) Good night (5556) Bad night (1690)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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  (206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j
  Replies (29) Good night (2672) Bad night (4903)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

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  (205): I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine. http://tfl.nu/wlnl
  Replies (50) Good night (2506) Bad night (7918)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?

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  (312): Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight? http://tfl.nu/82ga
  Replies (3) Good night (1429) Bad night (1584)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.

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  (+44): I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring. http://tfl.nu/y78v
  Replies (8) Good night (668) Bad night (1365)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  And I can feel feelings now and they hurt

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  (978): And I can feel feelings now and they hurt http://tfl.nu/fxac
  Replies (2) Good night (914) Bad night (1337)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.

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  (201): Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float. http://tfl.nu/ejnz
  Replies (6) Good night (1591) Bad night (546)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend

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  (630): how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend http://tfl.nu/zm88
  Replies (4) Good night (1089) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste

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  (215): they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste http://tfl.nu/vto5
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (288)

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