Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

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  (804): You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world. http://tfl.nu/i0as
  Replies (13) Good night (2363) Bad night (878)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars

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  (702): was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars http://tfl.nu/nxps
  Replies (35) Good night (1206) Bad night (4258)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.

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  (602): either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing. http://tfl.nu/e07a
  Replies (21) Good night (6475) Bad night (568)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested

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  (704): I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested http://tfl.nu/mffy
  Replies (7) Good night (1718) Bad night (2587)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic

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  (859): Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic http://tfl.nu/ciqa
  Replies (1) Good night (681) Bad night (2004)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away

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  (845): you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away http://tfl.nu/uj7c
  Replies (3) Good night (2707) Bad night (735)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.

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  (705): in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out. http://tfl.nu/um8l
  Replies (5) Good night (1870) Bad night (546)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.

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  (407): If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life. http://tfl.nu/zp1p
  Replies (11) Good night (891) Bad night (2433)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way

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  (203): He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way http://tfl.nu/eve3
  Replies (9) Good night (2443) Bad night (970)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.

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  (214): They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday. http://tfl.nu/u6e3
  Replies (6) Good night (1098) Bad night (555)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.

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  (304): omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected. http://tfl.nu/xm5d
  Replies (4) Good night (355) Bad night (742)
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  (818): View more from California

  Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID

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  (818): Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID http://tfl.nu/o6au
  Replies (2) Good night (244) Bad night (593)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?

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  (814): Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months? http://tfl.nu/ebp4
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (193)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The fuck? Where?

  (226): View more from Ontario

  St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.

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  (226): I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy. (613): The fuck? Where? (226): St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/bh0m
  Replies (8) Good night (750) Bad night (209)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  She went to her drug test stoned.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.

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  (314): She went to her drug test stoned. (636): And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it. http://tfl.nu/x7e0
  Replies (5) Good night (647) Bad night (232)

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