At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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