Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
