There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
