Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
