My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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