Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina