I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need moral support for this bender
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go