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Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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