She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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