I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
