she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize