Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
