Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
