Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
