I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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