We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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