i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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