At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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