brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
