just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
