just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think my vagina is haunted
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
