i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
