I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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