Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
