youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
