He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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