please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
