Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
