You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
