i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
