This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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