I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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