We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
