dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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