She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
