Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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