fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
