I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
