So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
